the times are changin'
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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

how do i say this

This blog post has been a long time coming. I've thought about the need for me to write it repeatedly. I need to say it. In the same way that I've needed other people's stories, people need to hear it. But I've never known how to talk about it. How do I start? Where's the line of "over-sharing?" Am I far enough in the journey to begin talking about it openly? Do I need to wait until I'm "better" to share my story? How will people respond? Is what I'm dealing with even that big of a deal? Why does this feel like an insurmountable mountain to me when I know so many people have it so, so much worse than I ever have or ever will? What am I really trying to share?

...Okay. I think you get the idea.

Besides the whole anxiety-ridden fear of people's approval, blah blah blah, I think that it's difficult for me to know how to share my story because there are so many facets to it. I'm learning so much about who I am and how I'm wired that it's not just a simple story with a beginning, middle, and end. So, where do I start?  Pregnancy? My struggle with returning to work? A slew of baby pictures? (Don't worry, they're coming.) Postpartum depression? My realization that anxiety has actually been a part of my daily existence my whole life? An annoying explanation of what I need to write about? (See what I did there?) There's so much to process, and, frankly, I've been avoiding processing it fully. It's scary to dig in "too deep." My brain has the tendency to obsess, so I'm always having to find the balance between avoiding and over-analyzing, the difference between processing and mulling.

So. For now, I'll leave it to say, I am struggling. I am loving life, but I'm struggling. I'm learning so much and at times feeling so full, but I. Am. Struggling. The most powerful truth I've received during this struggle is that I am not alone. And neither are you, which is why I have to share my story, even if it's messy or poorly told.

As promised...not quite a slew but a few pictures of the cutest baby in the whole stinking world.

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