the times are changin'
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Saturday, July 18, 2009


"You're never going to be truly filled with joy unless you truly know yourself for who you are. And until you are a real sinner with a real savior, you are going to be a hypothetical and theoretical sinner and, therefore, the hypothetical and theoretical savior...If all that I can confess is a knowledge of how sin has affected me but not any of my real sins, if I don't really know that I am sinful, then I don't really know and I'm not truly encouraged by the fact that I've been saved...If I'm not really sinful, then what's the good news? It's just news. But if you know yourself, as exposed by the cross, then I believe you will begin to experience true joy because you will not constantly be looking over your shoulder all the time, constantly checking the knots in this great suit of fig leaves that you've sewn for yourself. But rather, you will be comfortably exposed in your sin and boasting in your great Savior cause He is real. Charles Spurgeon once said, 'If your sin is small then your savior will be small also. But if your sin is great, then your savior must be great.' And, folks, our savior's great, so what's that tell us about our great sin?"

--Derek Webb
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Friday, July 17, 2009


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xpresso take three

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xpresso night two

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009


more photos to come.

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Sunday, July 12, 2009

1:35 am

It's 1:35 Sunday morning. I've really been wanting to update recently, but I've either:

a. not had time.
b. not had words.
c. not had the desire to delve into issues, personal or global.
d. all of the above

I guess I could share some updates, though. 

Today we had auditions for the Down Home Play Festival. I'll be directing a short one act along with 6 other directors. It was quite nice sitting on the other side of that table. (And not as a stage manager either, thank goodness.) I don't actually know the dates of the show yet. It's in August. I'll post when I find out.

Monday I'll be flying to Dublin to help in whatever way I can with Abbey's arts festival. (Check my old blog if that doesn't make sense.) I'm going to be there for a week. I'm excited. The only drawbacks are being out of my own apartment for the third week in a row and losing a week to connect with the youth. Which takes me to my next topic. 

I should be starting a small group with some of the girls from the youth group in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully this will be able to continue into the school year. I think most of my anxiety with it is that I haven't been able to talk to any of the girls that are supposed to be in my group, so I don't even know if any of the girls will want to do it. If it doesn't work out, I will, honestly, be very disappointed because it's something I've been really wanting to do for a while, but I'll know that I need to be spending my time in another way. I have also been really interested in leading an RUF small group...Jeff and I just still haven't sat down to talk about it. 

I am seriously pursuing going on the trip to India facilitated by Crossroads--Clayton King's ministry. (Here's info: Crossroads India.) I am super pumped about it. I know I haven't really talked about it on here, but as people like Hannah Caughman and Erin Lee know, I feel a deep desire to go. I don't know if it is a "calling" or just an intense attraction. I'm hoping this trip will help me figure that out. Once I apply I'll know within the next two weeks. (Yikes! Quick turnaround!) Then it'll be time for raising support. I also forgot to mention the trip is over Christmas break. There are two trips. There's a real good chance I'll be going on the one that is during Christmas, though, because classes won't even be over before they leave for the first trip. I'm really excited about this opportunity. You'll definitely be hearing more about this in the not too distant future. 

I have been in a real season know, I don't even know when it began. The thing is I don't really think this is so much a season as it is experiencing the way life really is, or at least the way it can be for long periods of time. God is faithful. And Truth is true whether I feel convicted of it or not. Praise be to God for that. Oh how He loves.

Just something to leave with you to wrestle with along with me:

3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
1 Peter 1:3-7

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Monday, July 6, 2009

i sense something moving and god i hope it's real

sometimes you don't have your own words, but almost as an intercessor, a brother or sister provides you with what you need to say, and what you need to wash over you. that brother right now is john mark mcmillan. here are some of his words.

ashes & flames
You and I meet
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I Swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could

In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That your calling my name

I cant help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
Cause you stand at my window
At night wile I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you

In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than Radio waves
Bout the remnants of my Idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
Cause you wont stop calling my name

Calling my name up from the ashes

kiss your feet
I dreamed I kissed your feet
Between the cigarette butts
On the side of fourteenth street
I got down on my hands and my knees
With an alabaster jar

I dreamed I'd bleed with your praises
Just to make the world
Smell like your grace again
I got down on my hands and my knees again

And I'm crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I'm falling all over myself

Good morning brokeness
You know you've cut me to the bone
Like one of those days in the middle of the winter
The kind that you can't run away from
And we've been here for so long
But I found a way to appease you
Inside this alabaster jar

And I'm crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I'm falling all over myself
And all my afflictions
There only light ones anyway now

how he loves
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good

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