puddleglum

I obviously haven't been here in a while. There are a lot of reasons: exams, exhaustion, or just not really liking the thoughts in my head. Speaking of those thoughts, I'd like to share some wisdom from my old friend, Puddleglum, from C.S. Lewis' The Silver Chair:

"One word, Ma'am," he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say." 

Maybe all the awful things being whispered into my ear about myself are true. Perhaps. But I'd much rather childishly believe that the Creator of the stars and mountains and sparrows loves me with a furious love I could never comprehend than live any other way. And if in the end I'm wrong about such things, then it's no real great loss, is it? What good is this life without a God like that? What meaning is there in this broken world marked all too often by confusion and suffering and mediocrity if there doesn't exist a great Lover of us all who actually understands, and is, indeed, orchestrating it all for our good and His glory?

kateman music

i successfully procrastinated another 30 minutes by updating some things on my myspace music page. to check out some rough recordings of a few of my tunes, check out kateman music. hopefully more tunes will be coming this summer.

going barefoot

check it out here

melanin

An article was printed in the Johnsonian (Winthrop news) that has sparked a lot of discussion about diversity, racism and equality in the Winthrop Theatre and Dance Dept. In my completely biased opinion, the article was crap--it's not that the issues brought up aren't still alive and well in America but those issues were NOT the reason for what happened. But the article still rustles up some good questions and reminds us of how broken our world still is--how broken we still are. It also convicts me of how much I love to monologue about such issues when dialogue is what is needed. And maybe a facebook chat at 1 am was a good step forward.

 I just wanted to share a little bit of that conversation: "I really feel as though it runs deeper than Winthrop Theatre. I feel like sometimes our society has grown to race-paranoid rather than race-conscious. And I hope one day we don't even have to be conscious of it, that it ceases to divide people." And what I hate most of all is that I am guilty of what I hate, guilty of what I want to see our society rid of. And so is everyone else! But none of us, not even me, want to actually admit it. This is one step, but how on earth do we work to fix it? And, I'll be honest. I don't think it's just white people saying "I'm sorry." The whole world is guilty. Every skin. Isn't always assuming everyone is treating you differently based solely on race a form of racism in and of itself? Likewise, isn't accusing someone of just "using the race card" a form of racism as well? We are all hurting and we all terribly misconstrue other people based on race, gender, class, profession....the list goes on and on and on and.........

People are people. What is the matter with us? We rip each other apart--literally and figuratively. We've done it from the beginning of time. It's just this little thing called melanin. What on earth is the color of our skin? It makes us look different. Well, good! It's less boring that way. The same way flowers are much less boring because they come in different shapes and colors. I can speak vehemently about such things. But I am also a product of my culture. And I long for a day for myself that I cease to classify people in my head based on anything other than who they individually and beautifully are. God has made all things good. We're the ones who went (and still go on) mucking it all up. And yet, it is God who will be fixing it. Let us not lose hope. I'm not sure yet, but one day all things that are broken well be made well again. However, I think there's going to be a lot more painful realization of how desperately we need His redeeming hand before it is complete. 

I wish I could fix the problem. I know that I can't. But I think there's a lot more that I can do than I realize or want to admit. Because I don't want to face brokenness and I don't want to change. No one really innately wants to change their ways. Thankfully God is faithful enough to make us change anyways. It's for our own good. 

The question is: where do we go from here?

high school

"absolutely" by nine days. heck yes. on my itunes. i miss high school back when i first loved that song. because in high school i was never up at 5:15 am writing an "outline" which must be 3 pages long and in complete sentences. in high school i was never studying in denny's til 4 am for an exam either. oh oconee high, i never imagined i'd miss you so.